I hope everyone is enjoying their week so far. This week’s blog post is extremely late and has been incredibly hard to write, so I have been delaying writing this. The honest truth is, this piece has been the toughest piece I have ever written and part of me has been avoiding it, because I know as soon as I put words to paper, it is no longer a bad dream, it is my new reality.

I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t feel broken, like someone has taken my heart and stomped all over it. And that I didn’t want to crawl into a ball and climb back into bed and put the donna cover over my head and hide from the world. The constant silence is a reminder of loneliness  I feel and I just keep holding my breath, trying to hold back the tears, while I feel like I am slowly dying inside.

The worst part is that every time I close my eyes, I relive that moment over and over again with my heart racing and feeling completely powerless.

A week ago today, we had only seconds to say goodbye to our beloved fur baby Major. It all happened so quickly. Yes, he was a pet, but to me and my partner who have no children, he quickly became our spoilt only child. He was only two and half years old when he passed away due to heart and kidney failure. We tried everything possible to save and give him a longer life, he fought hard, but it all got too much in the end for his young body.

I used to think those people were crazy that would take their pets to human doctors, until I fell completely in love with our little man. They give you a love like no other and adore just to be in company, even if it’s just sitting on the couch and make you want to do everything in your power to help them.

I told the universe before we got him, that I wanted something to look after, something that needs me and something I can give all the love I have built up in my heart too, and the moment we adopted him from the shelter, I felt all of those feelings rush to me like a flood. He was instantly loved and he had found his forever home!

It wouldn’t matter if I was going to the bathroom, having a shower or doing the dishes, there he was, curious and wanting to be by my side. He was so easy to love and his cheeky, happy and playful energy more than brightened up our life.

I cannot believe how a week on, how shattered I still feel! We had known for the past few months that we didn’t have long but, the overwhelming pain from the loss I never anticipated. I thought that knowing we didn’t have much longer would make it easier, because we would be more prepared for it, but that hasn’t been the case at all. I haven’t felt this pain since my Grandfather passed away nine years ago, and I loved that man like he was my father.

Our fur babies leave their paw prints on our hearts forever and it is an unconditional love we experience. It doesn’t matter how bad of a day you are having or how bad you look or feel, they see past that, they make you feel special and love you completely to your core.

I know he is in a good place, but you can’t help but feel selfish and wish you got more time, especially as he was still a playful puppy. He was like having a three year old toddler, he would keep you on your toes and would get into everything, but then he would get tired and become so incredibly cuddly and affectionate. I feel at ease knowing that we gave him so much love and a life, even though short, it was more than most could of given him and also feel blessed to feel this pain, as feeling this, I know how lucky I am to have had the opportunity to really love, nurture and look after someone so beautiful, as not all of us are so fortunate!

My blogs are normally light and positive, but life isn’t always kind. I do believe we need these moments, we need to feel pain, so that we can appreciate the good times when they come our way.

I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your week, be true, kind to one another and always be grateful and appreciate the moments as they happen, because you don’t know what life has in store. Remember that each and every day is a new day for you to try, a fresh start and we must use them and try not to waste a moment as we are the lucky ones to be alive.

You will be forever in our hearts little man. Rest in peace baby.

04.07.17 – 06.11.19

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